To ruck, maul, pillage, and burn…or not.


My hang-up today is making me write.  I’m just so immature about this!  Here is the dilemma:

Do I go to rugby practice, or not?

Sounds easy – I love rugby, why not go to the damn practice???  Lots of reasons.  Perhaps no good reasons, but still, a lot of not very good reasons could add up to something, right?!  So, I’m trying to pick through it all.

Reasons not to go:
-I’m the only grad student on the team (this is a hugely awkward situation, in fact!)
-I have reactive airways (exercise-induced asthma. I take an inhaler, but I find I have to take it more than once during a practice or game)
-Beef w/ the officers:  Last quarter, when I wasn’t going to winter practices (maybe about 15-20% out of laziness, but the rest because I had a hellish set of classes going on), the jerkoffs who are the team officers removed me as the Tech Officer (meaning, I kept up the website), and did it in a pretty messed up way.  They just asked for the password (it’s a Google site), and then got on there and started deleting pages that I had worked for a LONG time on.  And I do mean a LONG time.  Want to know what they kept?  The logo I designed.  Yep.  I mean, hey don’t give me any credit or  anything, I only spent around 50 woman-hours on making that logo…. (that was sarcasm).
-Given that I have some beef with the officers now (before, I didn’t, but they were pretty stand-offish, bordering on rude the majority of the time), and that one of those officers (sigh, the main culprit–I emailed and asked about the website crap as it was happening, and she ignored me. I think she was too busy deleting the pages that I was actually simultaneously editing…!<–WTF?!) is a hook.  I’m a prop.  That means she and I have to interact a LOT, that she depends on me for her safety, and vice versa.  It’s a dangerous game (hmm…full contact sport with no protective gear?!), and people get hurt (badly) with a frequency that would make any person in their right mind (especially someone like me, who depends completely (at times overly) on her eyes, working fingers and upper extremities — oh, and brain — for her career. Luckily, I’m not in my right mind–I’m even diagnosed that way! hah!!) refuse to allow their current children, future children, children’s children, and especially themselves (lest all those progeny then not appear, due to reproductive injuries) play the sport.  But still, it’s awesome.  It’s like, more fierce than football (the Euro OR the American kind), you get to launch yourself at people, there seem to be FAR fewer rules than most sports (in fact, I think there are probably just as many, but luckily, as long as you stay on-sides, you can leave most of that crap to the refs), and there are tons of songs you get to learn in order to be a real member of the team.  Where was I going with all this?  Oh yes, so I love the game.  I don’t know as much about the intricacies of it as I should (I also kinda don’t care, because I mostly just like scrumming and doing line-outs, and I would stick to just that if I could–I don’t like running!!!).  Oops, off track again.  As I was saying, it’s a dangerous game, and since there’s this weird sort of vibe goin on, I am sort of freaked out that they or I would get hurt (firstly), and (secondly, and only distantly) that, if they got hurt, I’d be blamed for it.  If I got hurt, I doubt I’d blame them vocally, mostly because I don’t want the trouble.  But lord knows, this is my career (grad student, duh), and I don’t want to get kicked out because some chicas accused me of malicious negligence or whatever the hell it would be!!! (for the record, I would NEVER try to hurt them, or any human being (I’m not a vegan anymore, so I can’t say I don’t hurt any animals, I mean hell, I eat them). I would also do my utmost to protect them, as I always do. It’s one of the things I love about the sport of rugby! I can dash in and tackle some chica on the other team and feel like (maybe even BE!) an ultimate heroine!!!)
-As somewhat of a corrolary  …. whoops, I forget where I was going with this.  Hehe. 🙂
-Lately, and I think it is because I didn’t work out all last quarter, I put on a lot of weight (I’m a forward, a packie, a prop! We’re supposed to be imposing!!!). That in and of itself is not a problem, but the laziness and just sort of fear (not fear. Apprehension? What?) of getting off my ass (which is, btw, now drooping. It’s always been big and I LOVE it that way, but it’s not nice and high and tight like the bit latin ass I’ve always loved shakin!!!).  I am coming off a hugely stressful quarter, a stressful (though fun) spring break (my sister had a baby, so I went out and helped w/ it all and helped take care of her and her kids), I’m feeling like doing nothing but sleeping.  That, and eating yummy food, like fruit! 🙂 (I don’t know why I said that, blame it on the AD/HD).
-I can’t find my scrum cap.  This is a BIG one.  I can find my cleats, my knee brace (I have bad joints, but that never factors into my decisions visavis rugby LOL!), and even my nasty mouthguard from last year (I should get another one, but I’ll just chew through that one first).  But my scrum cap is missing!  Firstly, that thing protects my head!!! I know I said no protective gear, but that is the quarter inch of neoprene we’re allowed to have of “protection” (quotes rightfully placed, dude, believe me!!!).  I don’t know why, but I’m actually kinda scared to play without it.  I know a lot of chicks do, but I don’t have any desire to play sans scrum cap.

I dunno.  I think those are all the things I can think of.   I think, in all, what I want is someone(s) on the team to come over to my house 20min before practice, drag my ass out the door, and make me go with them.  That would give me the emotional boost I need (of course, I want to be needed, loved, wanted, accepted, sought out, etc! I’m human, damn it!!!!).  Funny I’m so needy at times where social interaction is required (I’m super shy, too, probably why I fixate on the experience of blogging, eh?).

There were more parts to this short little introductory post (who the hell am I kidding?! I’m just writing this shit for myself!  Do I really need to introduce myself to ME?!?!? lol, maybe!!!).  But I forgot most of them (thanks, ADD!), and now I should probably sign off and make some dinner.  Because, when you can’t ruck…eat (and maybe cry and do some homework).


PS.  My alternative is to play for one of the two city teams.  Which is a hugely frightening concept, seeing as they would LITERALLY crunch the LIVING SHIT out of my bones, joints, 1/4 inch of neoprene, etc!!! 😛  But I live 1hr30min away (with a nice commute that goes: bus/metro/bus/walk).  Meaning I’d leave here at 5pm and not make it back until 11pm.  ARGH. :-(:{P (not sure what all those stacked faces are doing there, but hey!) <shrugs>.


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