Aside

*Disclaimer: I’m not old yet. I’m just pumped about getting there.*

I have to admit, there are certain things about getting old (and I mean OLD old, not just old or oldER – as in, I’ve fallen and I’m contemplating whether or not to even TRY and get up – that old) that I am looking forward to.  Certain things that MAKE me want to get old.  Some of these things are normal, or sweet, or just whatever.  Some are a little off the hook.  In no particular order today, I’m thinking that I’ll be excited to get old as:

  • I can eat pudding.  All the time. ALL. THE. TIME.
  • When “going on a diet” means I change ONE thing about my diet, and not THE ENTIRE DIET.
  • When I have doctors appointments to go to, and get to ride in the car (now I just take the d*&mn bus and walk everywhere).
  • When the people I really dislike have gone…before me. (I realize the downside of this is that people I actually like will have also gone before me, but, you know it’s about the silver lining).
  • People my age will laugh at my jokes more than once (now, they only laugh once, no matter how many times I forgot I’d already told the joke).
  • I can take entire Jack in the Box meals into the movie theater in my purse, and the ticket takers will be too embarrassed to even look.
  • People will not expect me to hold, change, or like infants.  In fact, they’ll only pose us for pictures (look how frickin OLD she is compared to this 2-month old!), and then leave me a lone.
  • I will have read many, many books.  Hopefully, I will have also done like a good academic and written reviews of the book, for easy recall.
  • I will have time to read–all the time.
  • Young people will be sweet to me when I’m in countries where I’m an obvious foreigner.
  • I’ll be able to afford so much plastic surgery I can start screwing with my body JUST to see what it would look like!
  • And best of all, the songs I now know and love will be so old, they’ll no longer be covered by copyright.
  • No wait.  Best of all is the pudding.  PUDDING.
—-Addendum 7/18/2011—-
  • Somehow, older people seem to get away with fewer showers.  For a non-girly girl like myself, this would be awesome.  More time for reading…and pudding. 😛
  • Not having to shop for clothes EVER AGAIN.  I really, really don’t like clothes shopping – never have (I’ve always wanted to like it, but to no avail).  Get old enough, and you can be pretty sure your clothes will last you till the end of your days–literally.  I used to work at a big department store in the catalog and credit section, where older people liked to pick up their catalog purchases.  One day, a suuuper-old guy came in to pick up an order of really old-fashioned Wrangler jeans (I mean REALLY old-fashioned – he actually had to order them from a catalog to even get them at all).  When I tried to interest him in a few more pairs, he just laughed at me and said, “I won’t be needing anymore.  These should last me till I’m dead!”

Elderly & Excited – and that is not sarcasm.

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