Don’t forget who your friends are!

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I think (and this is just my humble, non-medical opinion!) that part of having ADHD involves loneliness. I’m sure there are many reasons for this, but at least one reason is that we truly forget who our friends are. As in, we actually don’t remember them.

It might sound really contradictory, what with most of us ADHDers getting notes in our report cards reading something like “interrupts others,” or “socializes with others while trying to work.” Really though, at least for me, it can really be outta sight, outta mind with everything-even friends.

Consequently, as an adult, I’ve sat alone on far too many Friday nights, a little confused, lonely, and bored. It feels like people often enjoy my company, but where are they all? In actuality, I think the problem is two-fold. First, I actually forget the names of my friends, that they even exist, etc! Second, I tend to make acquaintances-lots of them!-who could probably become friends, but then I forget about them, and literally miss the chance to really become friends, thus leaving me with fewer friends.

The solution for me isn’t a failsafe, by any means, but it does help a little. I literally keep a list of “people I could potentially hang out with” taped to my wall. Yes. I realize that could come off as a little odd, but you’d be surprised how much it helps! That helps the first part of the problem, anyway.

For the second part of my problem, the acquaintance enigma, I use my online address book. I save someone’s email, name, and in the notes section, I make SURE to write a sentence about where I know them from and my impression of them. Ex: “Met at conference. She is in a similar field, and seems pretty fun. Has a fiancĂ© from Bulgaria who is a Latino Studies PhD.” For this, I’d recommend Google contacts, since it syncs with any smart phone (and having ADHD, your phone can really be a great tool for keeping yourself on the sane map in this crazy world!).

Anyhow. Just a tip on how to cope. Chances are, you either have more friends than you think you do, or you have more acquaintances waiting to become friends than you even remember! People will usually feel neutral or happy about hearing that their company is wanted. So go for it!

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